hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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