on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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