So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
