if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
