Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
