i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
