Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize