No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
