Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
