You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
