just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
