I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize