Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
