Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize