Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
