you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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