We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
