made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
