I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
