i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
