Tell her she can't have a vagina
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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