mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
