Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
