He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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