he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A+ Viking dick
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize