everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
