I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
