Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
