dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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