I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
