Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
