"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize