I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
