the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I could have mohawked her pubes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
