just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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