Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
