Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
