I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize