when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
