Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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