508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
