i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
