So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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