it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
