I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My pussy is not your playground.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize