Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
