i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
