one might say we're banned from that church
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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