shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this beer tastes like vomit already
im holly from the hills drunk
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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