Can Purell be used as lube?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
