she was so not down for the gang bang
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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