on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
