When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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