i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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