Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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