i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize