uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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