On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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