He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
