It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we're making bets on your personal life
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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