Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
accomplished twins. life is a go
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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