Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
