the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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