Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
