theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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