I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
