What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
4 words: hood of his car
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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