Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize