At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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