He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
