There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
