he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
