Four minutes until I can fart!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
