Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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