Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
