This is not my ceiling
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
there is puke in my bra ... again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
