rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
