i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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