i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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