Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
