Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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