Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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