ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
