I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
