Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
