She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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