Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
