It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
