I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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