why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
