Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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