just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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