That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
