So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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