Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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