Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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