Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
