all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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