Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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