**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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