I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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