Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize