okay pat passed out under dana's car
this boner is exhausting
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize