Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
