Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
