okay pat passed out under dana's car
grandma shit on top of the toilet
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
