Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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