just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize