I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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