can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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