can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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