I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
