it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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