i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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