and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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