she looked like the before picture.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
as a side note pls kill me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
